Chen was my first boyfriend. He was also the longest, in terms of my relationship, that is. We were childhood friends and I was very open about my attraction to him ever since we were young. He took his time to explore his feelings. But we spent a good five years together.
We shared a lot of firsts— first hand-holding, first kiss, first sex. We were kids, of course, we’ll try everything we’re curious about. We were both too eager the first time, and I made him literally cry because of the pain. We didn’t know proper prep and stuff like that.
The next time we tried, I demanded that it was my turn. Idk, I had this notion that since we failed with him on the receiving end, it was only right that it was my turn. Thankfully, by that time, I’ve already done some research.
Hentai manga and other comics just briefly mention it and don’t really have clear instructions. But I learned, at least how to stretch myself. From then on, I pledged my allegiance to the National Flag of Gay Bottoms.
Kidding aside, there’s always that concern for virgin bottoms. Even if they’re gonna do it with someone they trust, you can’t really just suppress any anxiety surrounding anything you’ve never done before.
So, to help you taper down that doubt, let me share with you my best tips to have the best experience even if it’s your first time bottoming.
Define Gay Bottoming in Your Own Words
When someone asks you to define gay bottoming, can you define it in your own words? I say this because you can’t just throw out buzzwords. It’s necessary that you’re clear on what being a gay bottom means. You need to fully know what to expect so you can make the proper preparations.
Bottoming is more than just a sexual role. It involves other crucial elements. You’ll be in one of the most positions you’ll be in within this lifetime. So be sure that you understand it’s not just to get off. It’s about trust, comfort, and mutual enjoyment.
It’s the act of being the receptive partner during anal sex. But it also involves emotional readiness. Defining it in your own words and knowing its full scope helps you grasp its significance.
Gay bottoming can be incredibly pleasurable and fulfilling. Ask any gay man. Most of them will agree.
It allows for a deep connection with your loverboy. It’s also a great way to discover heightened sensations. Being a bottom, despite its name, can also make you feel powerful. I know I feel empowered when I bottom.
Understand Your Body
When you understand how your body works, it’ll be easier to have a more positive bottoming experience. So don’t be shy, explore yourself first before involving your boyfie or top.
Be in a comfortable and private setting to focus on what you’re about to do. Use your fingers to get a sense of what feels good and what doesn’t. If your fingers do not quite work, welcome small toys in your body exploration too. By the end of it, you’ll get your preferences and limits.
Plus, when you know where your body lies on the spectrum of what to do or not, you’ll be more confident during the bottoming itself. You’ll be able to guide your loverboy on what feels best for you.
Bottoming should pleasure you, not pressure. Take your time. Don’t rush whatever process you find best to learn more about your body.
Learn to Communicate
I’m not sure how you plan to be very intimate with anyone and quite literally give yourself over to them and not communicate.
Open communication with your top is essential. Unless you’re into some kink that requires no talking. Even if you are, don’t do the kink when you’re a virgin bottom!
Before any sexy time, talk about your expectations, boundaries, and any concerns first. When you’re sure you’re both on the same page, then your anxiety will lessen and you’ll have no questions flying over your head while bottoming.
Ah, also— there’s a difference between “communication” and “effective” communication. Even a simple nod can be considered communication. Effective communication involves actively listening and understanding each other. Express yourself as clearly as possible. Be frank and drop the flowery words. Listen to your loverboy’s needs as well.
Know Proper Preparation
Mentally preparing yourself is already a given. For the physical preparation part, your top can guide you through prep or prep your hole for you.
For virgin bottoms, you may be too hung up on trivial matters. Questions like “What if he inserts his fingers there and yucky things come out?” or “What if I forget how to breathe?” More often than not, you may want to do the first time bottoming ritual on your own.
Either way, proper preparation is crucial for a smooth bottoming experience. So here’s a general guide to the prep process:
● Start by cleaning yourself thoroughly. There’s a hose-like bidet you can purchase. I found that the most effective, at least for me. You can also use a gentle enema to be 100% sure you’re clean.
● If you use the hose bidet, position it so the water sprays directly into your hole. Do not insert it though!
● Once you’ve washed the inside of your bum, you can stretch yourself in the shower or on your bed— wherever you’re most comfortable.
● Take deep breaths and relax your body.
● Start with one finger, then two, then three. Take your time.
● Make sure to use plenty of lube to reduce friction and make penetration easier. Surf relevant gay forums for lube suggestions.
Put Safety First
Do you honestly think virgin bottoms’ responsibilities end once they’re de-virginized? Nope! Before and after your first time bottoming, it’s necessary to always put your health at the top of your priority list.
Using protection is essential to prevent sexually transmitted infections (STIs). So make sure to use condoms and plenty of lube. Leave the barebacking thing next time. It’s also a good idea to discuss STI testing with your loverboy before doing any sexual stuff.
Safe sex practices protect your health and your boyfie’s health. Being informed and cautious will help you have a positive and safe experience.
Understand Post-Bottoming Care
Taking care of yourself after your first time bottoming is just important. Clean yourself gently with warm water and mild soap. Avoid using any harsh products that might irritate the sensitive area. Rest and allow your body to recover.
If you experience any discomfort or pain, don’t hesitate to seek medical advice. It’s better to be on the safe side of things. It’s good to address any concerns early. Taking care of yourself means you’ll be ready for future experiences and enjoy them to the fullest!
More Tips for Virgin Bottoms
● Practice Breathing Techniques: A great way to defeat the first time bottoming blues is to focus on taking slow, deep breaths. Doing so will keep your muscles relaxed and reduce any negative feelings.
● Listen to Your Body: Pay attention to your body’s signals. If you feel any pain or discomfort, stop and adjust as needed. It’s important to go at your own pace and not push yourself beyond your limits.
● Take It Slow: Do proper foreplay before the penetration. Kiss, roll around, all that good stuff. Rushing the process will lead to discomfort or pain. You may not realize it in the moment thanks to adrenaline and passion high. But you may end up regretting it the day after. Take your time and let things progress naturally.
● Use the Right Positions: Experiment with different positions to find what feels most comfortable and pleasurable for you (and your loverboy.) Positions like lying on your back with a pillow under your hips or being on all fours give you better control. They’re also more comfortable!
● Stay Hydrated: Water is always a part of sex! Sex is exercise, remember? Drink plenty of water before and after your sexy session to keep your body hydrated and functioning properly.
Final Thoughts
First time bottoming can be a nerve-wracking experience. But as a virgin bottom, know that it’s also an opportunity for growth and connection. Everyone starts somewhere, and it’s okay to have questions and uncertainties.
Take these tips to heart, and don’t hesitate to seek advice or support. Your comfort and well-being should be top priority. You’ve got this, many got your back (literally)!
