Introduction
To this day, there are many subtopics in the BDSM world that divide the community. One prominent kink is CNC play or Consensual Non-Consent kinks. The name itself is ironic, so it’s unsurprising that many don’t grasp the full concept of CNC in bed. In this article, we’ll tackle all those questions and give you a clear idea of CNC.
1. What Is Consensual Non-Consent?
Consensual Non-Consent is just that — a kink involving a “non-consensual” scene planned and agreed to by the partners. It falls under the BDSM umbrella of Dominance and Submission (D/S). Like other BDSM genres, the specifics of the CNC play will depend on the participants’ agreement.
Though many sources are misinformed, CNC sex is not the same as rape fantasy and, more importantly, not rape.
Rape play is usually done as a one-act play. CNC is more intense, with continuous play that can last 24/7. It also edges toward complete domination or Total Power Exchange, akin to having a master-slave relationship.
The CNC sub can say “no” but ultimately means “yes.” The sub can also refuse the dom’s orders or advances but only do so because he wants the punishment but acts like he doesn’t. Some CNC partners may not have any safeword to absolutely strip the sub of any power. This is why trust — deep trust and knowledge of each other is critical in CNC kink. The sub must trust his dom, but the dom should equally trust his sub.
2. Why is CNC so controversial?
CNC is confusing. In CNC, participants act within “forced” or “coerced” episode/s with pre-established consent. However, because of its TPE nature, some BDSM practitioners consider it going against BDSM’s fundamental principles of ongoing communication and safety. (Not to mention consent.)
Additionally, not many can responsibly handle CNC play. Mishandling CNC play can lead to confusing, shocking, and even damaging experiences for the participants. Some also find it insensitive to roleplay other people’s real-life trauma.
3. How do I Safely Engage in CNC Play?
Here are the most crucial steps you need for a safe CNC play:
Communicate and learn together
CNC is not something you can just do with anyone — pick a partner who knows you inside and out, is attuned to what you’re thinking and feeling, and respects you. More than that, you and he should research and learn everything there is to know about CNC and discuss it together to ensure you have the same understanding.
Ensure there are no misunderstandings
You and your partner know it’s just CNC in bed, but do your neighbors know? I’m not saying you should let them know, but I recommend doing CNC scenes when you’re confident you won’t end up in a police report. For beginners, your “CNC room” should be voyeur-free and have thick, thick walls if you plan to shout your heart out.
Plus, if you want to “kidnap” your sub in a public space, guarantee that you don’t linger for too long in the public eye or, if caught, immediately clear any confusion to avoid further troubles. You and your partner can make excuses like it being a “prank” or a “TikTok challenge,” no matter how dumb it may sound.
Never skip aftercare
Cater your aftercare to your sub’s character or reaction. It’s common for a sub to cling to the dom after the endorphin rush to feel grounded in any BDSM scene — this is called the sub drop. In CNC, subs often don’t want to be touched, especially after a rough, intense play, as the mind equates an “abused” body to something negative.
If this happens, back away and let the sub feel safe and be in control again. Tops can also experience the dom drop, often urged by shame or guilt at what they did to their partner, although it was all within the context of their mutual agreement.
Talk about the experience together and be honest about the likes and dislikes you both feel. These discussions are critical to adjust the CNC play to tailor your relationship needs.
4. Do I Need a Contract for CNC Play?
You don’t need a contract per se. But I suggest you have an in-depth discussion with your partner. You must talk about future CNC scenes and the appropriate times or occasions. During your sit-down, share your fantasies. Tell him what aspects of the CNC fantasy you want to be included and what parts you don’t want to do. You also must be clear about your soft and hard limits. Address concerns or anything that makes you double-guess.
5. What if I Tried CNC and Didn’t Like It?
You may not like CNC because it made you uncomfortable or triggered a past trauma. This is okay; you try something to decide whether you like it and ultimately realize your goal. You don’t have to feel ashamed or guilty about wanting to explore or discover new aspects of yourself.
You can expect to feel high or satisfied after a CNC kink play and understand you don’t like it afterward. You don’t have to immediately reject something to register that the kink is not for you. Talk to a trusted friend or professional if the troubling feeling persists.
6. What are the Types of CNC Kink?
I’ll list the most common form of CNC kinks and offer example scenarios for each. Keep in mind that all of these scenes must be done with consent and are merely for roleplay.
- Extortion or Blackmail: A renter can’t pay rent, so he pays with his body; A spouse forced to sleep with their spouse’s boss for promotion; A student coerced to give sexual favors to the university dean to graduate
- Rape or Kidnap: An heir/ess abducted for ransom; A popular idol assaulted by a crazy fan; A sub attacked by an intruder
- Interrogation
- Somnophilia: A sleeping roommate groped, etc., by another; A drunk customer assaulted by a stranger; A drugged partygoer taken advantage of in a club
- Sold or Auctioned: A slave sold to a master; A fallen noble auctioned at a masquerade party
- Hypnosis or Brainwashing: A client hypnotized for medical reasons but was assaulted by the doctor; A psychiatrist taking advantage of a client’s perspective (especially involving sex); A cult leader indoctrinating a member for sexual urges
7. Is CNC Kinks normal or ethical?
BDSM is a nuanced subject in itself. Plus, how can we strictly categorize something as being normal/not normal or ethical/unethical? In this sense, it is hard to answer a vague question.
CNC falls under Edge Play, which is also under the BDSM umbrella. It’s one of the riskier branches of BDSM, sitting close to torture play that may involve needles or blades. But CNC takes the risk to another level: it’s not only physically dangerous, it’s also emotionally and mentally taxing.
That’s why it’s necessary for anyone who plans to or is participating in Consensual Non-Consent to be aware of BDSM’s mantras, specifically the Risk Aware Consensual Kink or RACK. The RACK Framework prioritizes the participants’ learning and awareness of the kink they’re engaging with, presenting them with a comprehensive view of what to anticipate and prepare for.
8. Is CNC a form of therapy?
Yes, CNC can be therapeutic, especially for those who have been assaulted or suffered rough, unwanted sex from toxic ex-partners. Sex therapy assists individuals in reliving a traumatic moment and offers them the chance to take the power they think they lost during that part of their lives.
- For rape victims, CNC, as a therapeutic kink, helps them overcome the fear and be rational about the encounter, giving them the ability to realize that they are more than just what happened to them and shifting their mental state from that of a “victim” to a survivor.
- Victims of toxic relationships can discover if they have a healthy kink or fetish or an unhealthy sexual disorder stemming from their destructive exes and sexual encounters. For instance, someone who had been verbally abused by their ex may think they have a degradation or humiliation kink, but it’s not actually a kink but a coping mechanism for trauma.
- Those who were brought up in strict conservative homes or religions can find sex therapy (CNC or not) freeing as it will help them let go of sexual shameand be more welcoming of intimate relationships.
Note that although CNC can be therapeutic, it is, in no way, a substitute for a professional evaluation and discussing your mental health or trauma with a licensed therapist.
9. Do Doms Need to Overpower Their Subs in CNC Play Physically?
Physical advantage is not a requirement in CNC kink. Although most CNC scenes hover over physical strength, you don’t need the muscle or brawl to enact a CNC episode.
For example, you can try a CNC scene with a cop and a criminal. If you’re the cop (dom), you can simply “threaten” the criminal (sub) you arrested by either sending them to jail or giving you a blowjob.
You can also use the element of surprise by pretending to give the sub a gift that requires them to “close their eyes.” During this time, you can tie your sub to play your predetermined scene.
