Sex isn’t always soft and romantic. Many may find that they prefer their sex to be rougher. So, what if you think you might be one of these people? How do you start to explore rough sex when you’re not sure how to approach it? Keep reading to find out!
Rough sex is any sexual activity that involves physical intensity and aggression. Any act that may cause pain, or leave a mark whilst performing sexual acts would be considered this. To explore it safely, it’s important to take into consideration the following aspects. Consent, safety measures and both physical and mental limitations. You should also maintain clear communication with those participating in rough sex. This should be done before and after your session.
That definition only begins to scratch the surface of what rough sex can provide for you. Don’t worry! We’ll be covering all the dirty details. Think you can handle it?
What Is Rough Sex?
Rough sex’s definition mostly speaks for itself from the name alone. Physical intensity and aggression during sex are key factors. Though, many would assume that would mean thrusting a little harder and faster than usual.
Whilst this is one form of rough sex, there’s more to it than that. Slapping, gripping/pinning, hair pulling, biting, choking, gagging and even spitting all fall under acts of rough sex. Any form of rough, painful or degrading physical acts performed during sex counts.
However, there is a very fine line between rough sex and straight-up assault. That fine line is consent. Even if you’ve seen porn where someone is seemingly subjected to rough sex acts unwillingly, all parties likely consented to it beforehand!
How Common Is Rough Sex?
Given how intense some acts of rough sex can be, you’d assume that rough sex isn’t something that many would want to try. You might be surprised to hear that isn’t actually the case.
According to one study of 4168 randomly selected undergraduates at a US university. 24.8% of men stated they choked their partner during their most recent sexual event. With a further 6.6% of men saying they had been choked during their most recent sexual event.
Another study was conducted online from a sample of 1101 adults from Germany. States that up to 43% of adults below 40 had been involved in rough sex in some manner. Safe to say, rough sex is a lot more common than many may think.
There is also a misconception that only men are able to initiate rough sex. This is of course, not at all true. You can simply look at the two studies above to see that people of all genders can initiate rough sex.
Though, unfortunately not all experiences are consensual. It’s unclear how many of the participants in these studies consented to the acts of rough sex.
According to a 2021-22 survey by the Australian Bureau of Statistics. 22% of women and 6.1% of men surveyed have experienced sexual violence. Defined as non-consensual sexual acts or threats since the age of 15.
It can be traumatizing to be a victim of sexual violence or assault, especially from someone you trust. Communication and boundaries are key to safe experiences. It doesn’t matter how much you think your partner will enjoy the experience. Ask their permission before engaging in ANY form of rough sex!
Why Do People Like Rough Sex?
You may be a little confused about why rough sex has so much appeal. Especially given how most acts of rough sex involve painful or degrading acts. If you’re concerned about giving it a try, we’d highly recommend taking this section into account!
Heightened Sensation
One of your body’s natural responses to pain is to release adrenaline and endorphins. This just so happens also to be what is released when you are aroused. Therefore, this extra dosage only further enhances that sense of arousal and sensitivity. Small dosages of quick, sudden pain are the most effective.
Power Dynamics And Roleplay
Some people simply enjoy dominant/submissive dynamics. Simple as that. Obviously, it’s easier to assert dominance by bringing pain to someone else to make them know they’re weaker. A primal instinct shared between humans and other animals. That’s the same reason why school bullies do it.
It also allows people to explore more taboo roleplay fantasies. Usually about authorities or other influential individuals having power over someone. Providing a healthy outlet for these types of fantasies. Instead of actually enacting them in reality.
The “Good Stress” Effect
The “good stress” effect is where adrenaline is released due to short-term stimuli. For example, rollercoasters or horror movies. Even something like trying a new butt plug can be a form of good stress!
Rough sex also provides this effect. It can end up feeling more fulfilling than regular sex as a result. Once it’s over, that extra adrenaline will linger. Providing the added benefit of feeling more energized. Along with being more eager to take on any challenges.
Media Influence
Media like “Fifty Shades Of Gray” has contributed towards a normalization of rough sex, both in porn and pop culture at large. It’s seen as more of a means to bring kinks into the bedroom. All without delving into anything “too weird” for the average person.
Combined with easier access to niche porn online through dedicated porn sites. Or NSFW user content-focused platforms like OnlyFans. This has led to a larger audience being exposed to rough sex.
Escapism And Emotional Release
Rough sex can provide escapism and emotional release. At the moment, participants will be focusing on the sensation of performing rough sex. Or the sensation of any acts of it being performed upon them.
This is obvious, of course. But the sensations and thought processes put into it will provide a distraction. Particularly from any stressful thoughts. An easy way to achieve escapism if you’re not particularly into roleplay!
Being aggressive is also a way to achieve emotional release. However, it is arguably not the healthiest way to do so. However, in the consensual context of rough sex, this becomes a healthier outlet. Helping to reduce stress or any potential outbursts elsewhere.
Is Porn Responsible For Rough Sex Trends?
Easier access to porn via the internet also means easier access to rough sex related porn. However, as its popularity increases, so too does misconduct when engaging in it.
But, it would be unfair to generalize an increase in poorly executed rough sex trends on porn alone. Porn doesn’t cause rough sex; it introduces concepts. Rough sex existed long before easily accessible porn did. Many people engage in rough sex by choice, not because of media influence.
On that note however, do not rely on porn as your sole reference point for rough sex. Porn lacks proper education on consent and safety. Typically to create a more enticing “narrative”. Therefore, individuals should educate themselves on responsible, consensual practices.
Rough Sex And Consent: Non-Negotiable Guidelines
We can’t emphasize enough how consent is mandatory, no matter how you feel about rough sex. As such, keep these guidelines in mind.
A. Before Sex: Communicate Openly
Ensure you are discussing boundaries, preferences and hard limits. You should ideally use a Yes/Maybe/No list for clear expectations. This is also something to refer to if a partner tries to argue against your preferences.
You should also take this time to establish your safe words. (E.g., “Red” for stop, “Yellow” for slow down). Just ensure that these safe words are clear and easy to hear. It’s not something you might accidentally say as a reflex.
B. During Sex: Check-In Regularly
Make sure you observe body language and your partner’s reactions. If they’re showing signs of extreme discomfort, stop. Even if they said they were okay with trying out some form of rough sex. Allow space for partners to change their minds. Don’t make them feel like they’re forced to continue!
You should try to start slow and build intensity gradually. This will allow you to gauge when your partner is starting to feel uncomfortable. Allowing you to adjust as needed.
C. After Sex: Provide Aftercare
Given the intense nature of rough sex, aftercare is vital. Ensure that you and your partner decompress together. Do this in whatever ways you find the most comforting. Cuddling, talking or simply sitting together and relaxing are common forms of aftercare.
Use this time to discuss the experience and provide emotional reassurance, especially if you’ve included some form of degradation in your session. This allows you to work out what you both enjoyed or would prefer to avoid next time.
Of course, if you’ve had a particularly physical session, ensure you tend to physical needs, such as providing hydration or first aid for minor injuries.
If you’re looking for further advice on how to keep things safe, check out our guide on Gay Kinks For Beginners.
Safety Precautions For Rough Sex
Some acts of rough sex can be particularly intense. Therefore, we’ve made a list of safety precautions for you to read. Follow these to ensure your rough sex sessions stay pleasurable!
- Avoid airway obstruction – Light pressure on the sides of the neck, not the throat.
- Use proper grips – Avoid sensitive areas (chest, neck, groin) and joints.
- Consider STI risks – Rougher sex increases the chance of small tears. Use stronger condoms and lubrication.
- Check restraints – Always have a release method nearby.
- Stay sober – Alcohol and drugs impair judgment and reaction times.
- Have first aid ready – Ice packs, antibiotic ointment, and bandages for minor injuries.
When Rough Sex Becomes Too Rough
Concerned about crossing the line whilst engaging in rough sex? Or perhaps you tried rough sex and found your partner made you feel uncomfortable? Be mindful of these red flags so you’re aware of when someone has crossed the line.
Ignoring any form of clear, vocalized discomfort or safety measures is one of the main red flags to catch on to. For example a safe word being ignored. A partner feeling pressured into an act or signs of severe emotional distress.
On the physical side, be wary if a partner has caused severe physical pain. Or if any injuries require professional medical attention. Broken bones, concussions or severe blood loss are not the result of a healthy rough sex session!
If rough sex becomes harmful, re-evaluate boundaries and communication. If a partner is a repeat offender, do not engage with them in future sessions. You don’t want to risk your health for someone who may not have the best intentions.
Conclusion
In conclusion, rough sex can be exciting. But safety, communication and consent are non-negotiable. Without these measures in place, rough sex is just assault. Don’t consider trying it unless you’ve communicated your intentions clearly!
To enjoy rough sex responsibly, educate yourself on techniques and risks. Talk openly about boundaries and practice aftercare to maintain emotional well-being. With the right approach, rough sex can be a pleasurable and trust-driven experience. It’s important to treat your partner’s body and autonomy with respect.
Why not try getting some gear to enhance your session even further? Embrace being a rough, dirty dom with our upgraded big beer belly body suit! You could also try accessorizing it with one of our harnesses!
This article is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is based on research and scientific understanding of human sexuality. Therefore, it should not be interpreted as personal advice. Nor encouragement to engage in any particular sexual practice.
Always make informed choices that align with your comfort level, boundaries, and well-being.
